Well, dear reader, I'm back to annoy your little beleaguered head again. As you can see, I'm not that easy to get rid of. Even the little hiccup of my premature departure at only 93 won't stop me from speaking what remains of my mind from time to time.
Yes, I may be as deceased as the Monty Python parrot, but like it, I'm only resting... on my laurels (they don't half sting!) and on my fluffy cloud, plucking my harp tunelessly and, like in my earthly existence, trying not to annoy the neighbours and, more importantly, the boss.
So far, he hasn't given me a job,so I'm often at a loose end and tend to spy on you lot for entertainment. Nothing sleazy, missus. I just try to follow the antics of my fellow man/woman/bipedal ape with opposable thumbs/so-called Homo 'Sapiens' and try to make sense of it all at a cosmic level. That's not easy sometimes and sadly all my requests to the boss for explanations have been 'overlooked'. At least, that's what his secretary, Susie Scribbler, says. She specifically forbade me asking any more about Area 51, JFK's 'grassy knoll' and whether the Bermuda triangle is a thing.
You'd think that wouldn't happen round here, wouldn't ya, considering the brochure talked about blissful perfection and all? I'm beginning to think that the chief doesn't take me seriously and is waiting for me to wise up. Well, if so, He might have a long wait. We're talking eternal here. It would blow my mind, if I had one that worked.
So, any road, why have I pestered the dopey son-in-law to pass on my messages again? Firstly, obvs, as I hear young 'uns say, I need him to do the physical stuff like writing and bloggying, 'cos I'm all ethereal and insubstantial these days (nothing new there?!). As usual, he didn't need much persuasion, when I reminded the little git that I could see his internet history and read his thoughts at will. He mumbled something about 'resistance being futile'. What does he think I am? A Doctor Who Dalek? 'Exterminate' etc.
Secondly, I peeped down recently and saw that animals and nature were making a comeback in urban areas and birdsong was soothing people's fevered brows like never before. Also Easyjet and Ryanair weren't making as much of their usual racket in the sky, so I thought I had better investigate, especially as those airlines would still try to fly in a nuclear winter after a global cataclysmic meltdown with just a wing and a prayer and an unwavering desire to charge you for anything not bolted down, like fresh air. Just ask Micheal O'Leary? At the mo, his latest policy is "Jab and go" this coming Easter.
Very catchy, just like Coronavirus!
Moreover, I should have guessed things had gone pear-shaped, when Saint Peter reported unusually massive queues at the Pearly Gates.
His quote in the Divine Gazette was, "It's all kicking off. There's a pandemic down on Earth and a multitude of folks have succumbed and ended up here prematurely."
Well, I've just found that out today, as I only read the Beano and occasionally the sports' page for the rugby. Up here, they encourage us to avoid listening to news from the 'blue planet', in case it upsets our blissfully aligned chakras, but my curiosity gets the better of me sometimes and I cock an ear for ol' times' sake.
Anyway, I should have guessed when they postponed the Olympics. As always, I'm the last to know. I didn't even realise that 'the Donald' got the boot. Now, they tell me there was a party here after the election. Yes, there was literally 'rejoicing in Heaven that day'. Who says we don't take sides in the heavenly realm? Well, look at it my way, I gaze down today and see Trump supporters violently attacking the Capitol/ House of Representatives in a failed attempt to stop the 'peaceful transition of power'! I nearly had a Sean Connery, God rest his soul.
So, having directed my beady eye towards the ol' mortal coil, I checked out the Covid situation for myself. My conclusion? Many governments have been appalling, as bad as chocolate fireguards in an erupting volcano. Not much need to point the finger: you all know who has shown leadership and humanity and who hasn't.
There will be a reckoning, but like with all tragedies, it doesn't bring back the dead. Titanic levels of human beings die daily and some idiots in government and in society play it down, dream up ludicrous conspiracy theories or just plain ignore it and selfishly do what they like. My heart goes out to heroic frontline workers and volunteers in every sphere, who traditionally have been underrated, under appreciated and in most cases under rewarded. Clap for the 'heroes'? Yes, it helps, but for goodness sake, reward them properly in their pay slips. In the meantime, a citizen's duty, surely, is to follow the rules and help save lives and your health service.
Right, on my main focus today, I found out that the increased birdsong was down to Covid restrictions on human activity. So, animals and Mother Nature took the opportunity to thrive and many people took pleasure in those precious signs of hope for the planet. It also seems that many governments are, at least in their rhetoric, taking the Climate Crisis seriously.
Maybe young Greta Thunberg can get some chance of getting on with her private life and education? She is now 18, but something tells me she will be needed in the public sphere for some time to come. People who speak truth to power with that kind of clarity, courage and intelligence are rare.
I want to mention plastic in particular. So useful that it's everywhere in human society, in your homes, your shopping etc etc. You can hardly move for it. Trouble is, many of your fellow humans have allowed it to flood the oceans and fill the stomachs of animals. Disgusting, isn't it? My concern is whether humans care enough to do something about it. Each person needs to choose. Are they going to engage where they can or be 'plastic' people who live passive, self-centred lives and are unwilling to change.
Greta, Sir David Attenborough, Margaret Atwood and many others have issued clarion calls. No-one can say they don't know what's happening. I now know that the Inuit people in Canada have seen the enormous amount of sea ice that has disappeared. Water and temperature levels will rise and millions will suffer. This is a global issue and once Covid 19 is finally under control, the Climate Catastrophe will still need to be urgently addressed. Everyone needs to wake up and use '2020' vision.
Not only will you all need to move to electric cars and non fossil fuel home heating etc, but you must eat much less meat and move to the many viable alternatives that don't damage the planet. In any case, unless one is willing to kill an animal or watch it being slaughtered, should people deaden their consciences and eat it from a plastic packet and pretend they don't know it was a living creature? It's not just kids, many of whom don't know where their food comes from, but even livestock farmers manage to doublethink that they love the animals they 'care for' and they also love the sausages and bacon or whatever!
Imagine if you will a situation where aliens conquer our planet and decide humans are tasty and good for food. You could end up being factory farmed! You think that is unthinkable. Well, I think it's all a matter of perspective. Humans have convinced themselves that they can use every other animal on Earth as they wish and they don't see it as evil. Why would anyone expect more advanced civilisations not to act the same way? Don't even get me started on how we have treated our fellow humans throughout history for the most spurious and twisted of reasons.
Please don't think, dear reader, that I was perfect on Earth, 'cos I definitely wasn't. For example, when I heard the urban myth that men think about nookie every 10 seconds or something, I thought, really, as little as that! That theory has been debunked, but I still avert my gaze when the angels do the regular talk on the need for purity in all things. Hey ho, I was a dinosaur in so many ways in my life, but we can't do that anymore since we know what happened to the dinosaurs. Extinction events have been the norm in Earth history. Everyone has to work to avoid bringing one upon humanity unnecessarily?!
Well, I've had my rant and you might say that Mr Peeps is light on jokes this time. I'll tell you what I'll do. I will guarantee a bellyful of laughs when I'm sure that humanity and the Earth are in better shape. We hear loadsa jokes up here, most of them about human beings. I'll tell you a little one as a teaser, in case you think I'm just moaning. You, dear reader, are one of my reasons to be hopeful. We need thoughtful, intelligent, creative people to try to influence and melt the rigid, plastic hearts of those who don't care.
So, I say, I say, did you hear that the Statue of Liberty promises to do a jig when Donald Trump finally buzzes off from the White House and the Statue of Justice will brandish her sword, rattle her scales and give a cheer. Bit of satire there? If ya want wall to wall whimsy, I'll need something more to laugh about?
Well, I must go as the Boss has summoned me to his His throne room for a 'little chat', as the angel messenger said.
Oops! It's either a job offer ya can't refuse or a roaring rebuke for revealing stuff to you about the 'other side'. In His wisdom, He has expressly banned that. So, don't any of you pray and give it away?! Although, the game may be up, as He is yer actual All-seeing and All-knowing One etc. Let's hope He is in a good mood. Wish me luck? Hopefully I'll write to you soon,
Your 'Divine' correspondent, the blogging GOGfather ( GOG stands for 'grumpy ol' git', but I have a warm heart)
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