Yes, I admit to you that I was the inspiration for the 'Toad of Toad Hall' character in 'The Wind in the Willows'. Well, you may cast nasturniums, but who else could it have been? I am constantly jolly, I live in the Manor to which I have become accustomed and I drive around at full pelt in my beloved red limousine, pumping my horn in a jocular manner.
As I whoosh around, I 'peep-peep' on my squeezy horn and all my friends and neighbours wave at me frantically and have great fun skipping out of my way. They understand now that I mistake the accelerator for the brake pedal--I can't be expected to remember everything(As I explained to the driving test guy recently). Everyone merrily calls after me as I leave them in a cloud of dust. What with the goggles and flying helmet, I can't make out every word they say, but it sounds like, 'You great wit, you must be some sort of brainiac.' They are so complimentary. Maybe they have heard about my Mensa application. Yes, I don't tell you everything. I've written to Mensa for a special recognition of my ability to drive and compete the Times Crossword, with only minor collateral damage ie my writing is barely legible!
Actually, you may have wondered why I haven't kept the diary up to date recently, and if not, why not? Well, I told my doc, Isla Kilmore, that I wasn't sleeping well--told her to be exact, that I was shagged out counting sheep. So, she gave me a sleeping pill and it zonked me out for 10 days. Cheers for that! Then, I tried my lifestyle guru, Ima Noall--told me I was stressed and needed to chill. So, I spent a night in the freezer. Didn't do anything for the stress and I've just got out of intensive care! Having to type with one finger till the frost bite heals!
Anyway, the pope's visit has reminded me that I monkey around too much and I need to think of higher things, like the dove of peace. Children are still starving despite UN pledges, so there is work to do. Paris Hilton clearly feels the same as she has sworn off partying. Will she weaken? Is the Pope a Catholic? Well, yes. So, there was His Holiness in the 'Popemobile' and it struck me(No, not a brick from a disgruntled pedestrian!), it struck me that I need a 'PeepMobile'. It will be blacked out, so that I can peep out at the world and tell you about it and they won't know it's me. Just don't tell anyone!
The Pope beatified Cardinal Newman. I think he should also consider his PR people, cos they performed a miracle for the Catholic Church. Also, I would elevate the Duke of Edinburgh, whose delighful lack of PC-ness takes him to another realm. Imagine asking that politician if she was wearing tartan drawers! He's a real GOG, grumpy 'ol geezer(Put in your own epithets!). I get confused. Who was the beardy guy the Pope was hugging? Was that his 'secret' son? Maybe they were estranged because the Pope didn't like his protestant beard and the Archbishop had a prob with the Hitler Youth thing?
Anyway, survey just out says that the majority of Catholics want 'freedom of conscience' on abortion and contraception. Perhaps the Church should abort it's black and white hard-line and give birth to more realistic guidelines!
Off now to the car showroom to look into the 'PeepMobile' thing.
Yours sincerely but always a cheeky monkey
The blogging Gogfather!
Nice to see your back, Mr William. It's better than your front!
ReplyDeleteYou know what they say about self-praise!