Image by ♥ Viola Life ♥ via FlickrGood Morrow to you, dear Reader,
You know, people often say to me, 'Mr William, you are a real character!' They smile when they say it, so I assume it's a compliment. They never quite specify just what makes me a 'character', but I certainly am for real! As they used to say, I'm a cool cat-that's Elvis, me and a few others
who populate the pantheon of world-class characters.
matinee idol looks, my peerless wit, and, of course, my innate modesty. You'll never catch me blowing my own trumpet, at least not after sundown, as I may have mentioned above. I just quietly go around in my red 'peepmobile', grace a few lucky ladies with my company and if the papparazzi snap me, thinking I must be an A-list celeb, is that my fault?
Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about some characters, real or otherwise. What about 'Coronation Street'--such acting, such characters and such drama; even the live episode, ironically, was not a 'tram wreck'! Although, I did feel sorry for Ashley, I say, I did feel sorry for Ashley. (If you get these allusions,, then you're a fan!) Also bookie Peter's chances were never good- surely they could have given him a stiff drink. AA would not have disapproved, under the circs. I felt most sorry for poor Rita. First, she's hit by a tram, then 2 'double-deckers' land on her head. Now that is unlucky!
Which character will I mention next? Well, one of a few real life ones. Stick them in front of a camera and put on your crash helmet and what do you get, yes, more 'train wreck' tv. The Rt. Hon. Ann 'Widdy' Widdecombe is definitely a real character. She sticks to her guns and fires off witty retorts on 'Strictly Come Dancing'. She even made Craig 'Revile' Horwood crack a smile. That was scary. Widdy finally foxtrotted off, or was that 'trotted' off and left a number of broken hearts in her 'Titanic' wake--mostly good dancers she had pushed out!
Got to mention the 'Poo Doctor', Gillian McKeith, who also is a real character, if decidedly unsympathetic. Show her a camera, especially if the scene is live and she will faint to order. I know it's a 'jungle' out there, but can one person be afraid of so many things? Good thing she knows about 'poo', because I've never seen someone so 'full of it' as her, when she made excuses for her antics. The only comment I have for her is that it's all 'knickers'!
Finally, I must mention a couple of characters who have taken 'cheesiness' on screen to a whole new level. Good ol' Kirsty 'soppy' Allsopp and Phil. I know many ladies love their property 'gig' and their overplayed false flirting, but their Christmas shows made me wince. As soon as I cast my 'mince pies' over the footage, I began to feel sorry for Phil. Kirstie must have drugged him or someone paid him a wheelbarrow of cash to pretend he was interested in that lot of tosh. Kirstie, however, was in her element. I call her the 'Knitted Lady'. It's just how I see her.
Any rate, I can't hang about. I have a red herring to cook for tea, although there's something very 'fishy' about it! Ha, got you there! No, it's not really red, just dead! Did I tell you I met a lady the other day, who said her husband was 'up the Amazon'? True bill. I quipped like lightning, 'You're so lovely, dear lady. I'd love to take you 'up the Amazon' some day! She mumbled something about washing her hair for the next 15 years. Obviously fancies me! You see, I haven't lost it. That's because I'm a real character!
Yours modestly but always in character(not to mention Vogue)
The Blogging Gogfather