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Hail to you, dear Reader,
It's that festive time of year again, when we are all supposed to be jolly. Bit tricky for me, being an 86 year old Gog (grumpy ol' git). Sadly, I have been even grumpier than usual, but not without great provocation. I have had to figuratively don my 'crash-helmet' on several occasions recently. I can relate to Wagner when he was unceremoniously dumped from the X Factor--'stocked and shunned'! ( I think the spoonerism works on several levels. What do you think?) No doubt, you scholars and ladies/gents out there (or those who are not sure) will know that I refer to the slightly scary Wagner, who, no doubt, sends you his season's 'gropings' or do I mean greetings(you decide), not the musical genius, Richard Wagner, who would never be seen dead on the X-Factor, unless of course they dug him up! (Sorry, couldn't resist it!)
Talking of digging things up, I need to tell why I am dog-tired. For starters, I am still fatigued after my bout of man 'flu. Please say Ah! Then, there is my dog, which keeps wanting to take me for walkies. It has dogged determination-hotdog! I sit up and beg to be left behind. Doggone. If it doesn't calm down, it will be. (I promise to stop bombarding you with puns in a minute, but I am on a roll!)
You see, I am dogged by circumstances, but not as bad as Churchill's 'Black Dog' depression bouts.(That's Churchill the great politician, not the TV dog. 'Oh yuss'!) Someone on tv even mentioned 'dogging' as a pastime. Apparently, if you walk your dog to a carpark some night, you could get more exercise than you bargained for. Doesn't sound like it's for me. I like to walk in the daylight, in case I get led astray!
Anyway, my problems started this week, when I overslept and was late for church. I then nearly slipped on my ass on the ice. On top of that, my hearing aid packed up in church, just as the Rev. started his sermon. Imagine my internal constipation, when my extremely deaf companion, also of a fine vintage chronologically, kept asking what the Rev. was saying. Although his stage whisper was louder than the Rev.'s, I couldn't hear a bally word. It was an early 'pantomime'. (Oh yes it was!)
The next day, I ventured out to lunch at my favourite eating house. I just had the old nose-bag in place, when some carolers struck up what sounded like the 'Hallelujah Chorus'. Well, I spilt my soup on my lap, muttered words you don't read in the Bible. There was nearly another serious and shocking 'Wikileak'! They murdered the music and I wanted to murder them. Personally, I praised the Lord when they finished. The other diners broke into rapturous applause. Maybe, I'm turning into 'Scrooge'. No, I say 'humbug' to that! No, I'm kind-hearted really. It's just been a week full of kaffuffles. Between the #Corrie 'live' episode and the Wikileaks, I have had more than enough drama!
Did I tell you that I have to take my foot to the podiatrist tomorrow. Well, I couldn't exactly go without it! You see, I have a corn and I have to get 'road worthy' for my blind-date. I don't want to be hobbling, walking wounded or I will have to say it's a war wound. That might impress her. I'm still anxious, because she is obviously still an unknown entity, whereas the multitude of other ladies that adore yours truly have had an opportunity to view the goods and vice-versa. Caveat emptor still applies, but I think I will give it a go. What have I got to lose? After all, if it all goes west, well, I don't have a bunny, so she can't boil it!
Any road, what am I worrying about? I have charisma. It's a gift! (Classical scholars can feel smug, if they get the intended pun!) Thing is though, when chemistry develops between a man and a woman, you have to beware of explosions! Maybe I'll just keep my crash-helmet on for the moment?
Well, got to rush. I promised the family 'money' pressies and then changed my mind. Now I have to parcel and post a ton of stuff. How do you wrap a cuddly, life-size elephant? It's a gentle hint to my son-in-law(the writer clever-dick one) to lose weight before he explodes! Maybe my daughter could wrap the pressies. It'll keep her busy for a few days and take her mind off living with that husband of hers!. If I can spread a little sunshine along the way, my living will not have been in vain! So, I wish you good cheer and hope you are not as dogged by things as I have been.
Yours doggedly and having the 'Dickens' of a time
The blogging Gogfather
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