Thursday, 14 October 2010

Mr William feels he gives everyone a fair 'Hearing'!

Final rescueImage by Rescate Mineros via Flickr

Thunderingly great Thursday to you, dear Reader,

The miners are free and the human spirit is in it's zenith. What a glorious day to be part of  humanity, even though I am well into the autumn of my life. I would even say I experience the odd winter day, but my buoyant zest for life, my faith in God, my infamous curiosity(Yes, Big Brother isn't the only one watching you. In my case, though, I am very benign!) all mean that I keep drinking from the fountain of youth. Although, inevitably, the youth will want his or her fountain back, which is what I wanted to talk to you about.

Yes, my hearing is not what it was. My daughter thought it was purely 'selective' in nature, and my dear late wife certainly did. Seems, however, that yours truly can only hear vowels and not consonants. That's what the consultant said.(Wouldn't be great if you were the Carol Vorderman type in dictionary corner. Eaiou!)  Yeh, the hearing doc made me listen to sounds only dogs could hear and then charged me £1000 for a couple of bits of clever plastic in my aural crevices( again, not an innuendo, but it would be a good one, don't you think?) The only bit I heard was the price and then I choked a little! He seemed to hear my reply very clearly and winced visibly. I had to cough up in the end. How can I eavesdrop on you all, if I can only hear vowels? It's the consonants that make it interesting!

Thing is that health problems come along and, although I am in the rudest of health for a man of 86, with some of my marbles and many of my parts in reasonable working order, there is still the odd sign of wear and tear--some of the signs odder than you might think. You see, I am presently avoiding my doc, a certain or should I say certifiable, Dr. Ima Gunna-Killyall, who told me, with a straight face(She doesn't do humour!) that I should be grateful for every morning I wake up. Told her I was and intended to reach 100 and get my message from the Queen. She asked if I knew a good 'medium'! Everyone's a critic!

Talking of my parts, I had a bit of a gaffufle this week. It was during a long car journey with my daughter and her hubbie ( The smart alec one who claims this diary would be nothing without him!) Any way, I sometimes get bad cramps in my legs. Well, this time they suddenly ceased up and I had to get them to stop at the roadside and help me out. I staggered to a field gate and waited for the cramps to go(I don't mean the in-laws!). When they didn't, I was reduced to asking my compadres to start massaging my lower legs. I was really in agony. Well, imagine my embarrassment when passing car drivers started to honk and shout out things like 'wha hay! One even heckled 'Get a Room!' I was in too much pain to give them the biting riposte they deserved and simply proferred the time honoured 'Churchillian' fingers in reverse!

Anyway, a few things have started to creak and I don't mean my floorboards, but I won't consult the doc. I don't want a speech about my miles on the clock and an appeasing 'placebo' pill.--you know the ones that have no active ingredient and your mind does the healing? Apparently some drug companies in the USA put it about, if you'll pardon the phrase, that women could take a pill called FSD to increase their libido, when all it did was raise their expectations and lower their bank balance. It's this idea of putting ideas in the public perception. Seems that the condition, Halitosis, was an invention by a mouth-wash company to sell products. That left a bad smell with me! Sorry, couldn't resist that one! The result is that doctors have  to pass on medication that they don't necessarily have much faith in.

One good medical decision in the UK is the NHS giving  Alzeimer patients the pills they need. Mind you, even the alternative  medecine guys have their duds. Seems that St John's Wort does nothing for depression, unless the placebo effect cheers you up! On the other hand , there is money to be made now in health. I read that they are paying smokers to quit and the clinically obese to lose weight. I can't get anything for those, but I'm a cert as a donor for the new 'eco' gas based on human waste. The government say it's a sure fire source of fuel. They say it's full of potential. I say it's definitely 'full of it'!

You know, when I was young, a hug from mum cured everything, and in emergencies she brought out her magic hankie! I think the medical types could look into that. Although, sadly my mum is not available anymore for their research, unless I employ that meduim, but I'm sure they could ask any mum for their secrets. I'll leave you with that thought and I will go off and enquire where a chap can apply to donate for that new 'eco' gas thing!

Yours softly yet loud and clear

The blogging Gogfather!
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