Image by Okinawa Soba via FlickrFabuloso Friday to you, dear Reader,
I am feeling a little frisky today and there is a spring in my step.(Not literally, of course, or I would bounce through my french-windows like the puppet from the 'Magic Roundabout' and that would just be ridiculous; although I do a good line in ridiculous if you want it?) No, I have been thinking about my success with the 'Ladies' last weekend, at my celebration and it has brought back warm feelings-but that might be too much information?
Yes, there was this cabaret/torchlight singer at the hotel. She probably eyed me up from the start, although she later offered a pint of Guinness to anyone who could find her specs, so I can't be sure! Anyway, she was chirping away during our dinner, singing songs from shows I had never heard of. As I was coiffing the last of my wine, my granddaughter said she had been casually speaking with the singer and she wanted to say hello to me. Well, I have this effect on women, so I thought I would make the singer's night and went to schmooze her with my matinee idol charm!
Imagine my surprise, as the singer lunged at me in the spotlight and wished me 'Happy Birthday'. That would have been nice, but it wasn't my birthday. I told her it wasn't, just as she struck up a rousing chorus of the usual chirpy song(Don't want to mention it--I might have to pay royalties!). I stopped her in her tracks with a gentle nudge. In fact, that could have been the moment when her bi-focals shot into the potted plant! Any rate, she asked what the occasion was, and when I explained I was throwing a family party, she jumped in with 'Congratulations', you know the irritating song Cliff Richard inflicted upon the world. Well, she murdered it beautifully-- probably postmodern irony?
Well, she couldn't keep her eyes and her arms off me, and then she tried to woo me with my favourite song, 'Danny Boy'. There wasn't a dry eye in the house.(Maybe too much drink had been consumed?) Reminds me of the time I attended a classical recital and I complimented the pianist afterwards. He asked if I also played. When I confirmed I did, he enquired as to my favourite composer. I answered in all honesty, 'The guy who wrote 'Danny Boy''. At that point I thought he had taken a fit--his face went a funny colour and he began to choke. The paramedics said he mumbled something about 'philistines everywhere'. Maybe he had been reading his Bible too much and was delirious! My family tell me there wasn't a dry 'seat' in the room that night!
Any road, that night, I felt like a million dollars(Actually I could have done with it to settle the bill!) As I tottered off to beddie-byes, my son-in-law, who insists on taking me to my door(Maybe he thinks I will wander into someone else's room accidentally--trust me, it wouldn't be accidental!), he told me that every woman's eyes followed me out of the room. Nice thought, but it wasn't their eyes I was after! If that's true, it is very flattering, but I can never make up my mind whether my son-in-laws are buttering me up or taking the mick! I'll let you decide!
There are two things you should know about me, dear reader. Firstly, women fall at my feet and secondly, I am a twin. Yes, maybe I have said before. I can't remember. Anyway, I lost him recently, sadly in the permanent sense, rather than temporarily in Tescos or somewhere. I miss him greatly, and the celebration was partly nostalgia and remembrance for my sister and me. I have so many happy memories, but I will share my favourite. My brother had a girlfriend(We were in our 20's). She didn't know he had an identical twin..Can you see where the story is going? Yes, I took her out one night and snogged her, pretending to be my brother. Then, rashly I owned up, only to get a smash in the chops! That should have taught me, but, of course, it didn't.
When in Burma(Myanmar) as a Gurkha officer, I fell for a local girl, but we drifted apart.
Prime Minister of Burma, who, sadly, is under house arrest. I asked her if she might know of the whereabouts of the girl I met. I only had a first name and a description. Strangely, I am still awaiting a reply. Maybe the post is slow to the PM's island of captivity! The other letter was to the lovely and sainted Joanna Lumley, she of Gurkha fame and large 'cahones'. I told her I thought I had played football with her dad during the war and she wrote back. Now, that makes us pen-pals. Just think, I could be her toy-boy on the side?
Anyway, can't stop and chat. I left my mobile phone on the driveway-no, not deliberately, and it got soaked. Now it's knackered, for my 'sims', boom boom!(Little joke there for the technophiles-you know who you are!) Off to get a new phone that I can understand. Wish me luck!
Yours flirtily yet pensively maudlin
The blogging Gogfather!