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Yes, today, I have been reminiscing about a great day, as Remembrance Sunday approaches. More about that later. You see, as you have probably realised, I am more of a 'Toad of Toad Hall' kinda guy than Mr. Dull Ditchwater. I love to paint the town red, and now I can. Two good reasons for this--firstly, my walking stick turned up. Turns out I left it at the supermarket till. I find that 'time and tills wait for no man'! Every time I get to a pay-desk, I feel pressured and flustered.
No-one moves at my sedate(or should that be 'sedated') pace anymore. So, it's always a kaffuffle and I drop my money and all that. Everyone's nice about it, but I keep thinking I am keeping busy younger people back and they might mutter,'Silly ol' duffer'. Anyway, as per, I walked away from the till carrying my purchases, bundles of receipts and discount offers ( What are they about? You need to have even less of a life than mine to keep track of all the discounts. I end up missing the expiry dates!), also my change, my wallet and the aforementioned stick.
When I stopped to get organised, I leaned the stick against two mountainous stacks of biscuit tins. They started to wobble, then I started to wobble and before I knew where I was an assistant was steadying the tins and guiding me to the door. Neither of us noticed the bally stick. Anyway, I have it back now and I have warned it of the dire consequences of straying in future!
The second big plus, that will help my freedom is the arrival of my hearing aids. When I say arrival, I mean I had to go get them from the private 'earman' at 'Hear Today, gone Tomorrow'. (Just my little joke. His firm has a much more mundane name. I have 'sexed' it up as I enjoy a bit of poetic license on a Thursday!) Being a private outfit, the money was uppermost in his mind, and , being honest it was exercising mine as well. After all, £1000 is a heap of dosh. So, I started to think I would ask him to put the items where the sun 'don't shine', as I had only paid a small deposit. There we were, face to face; I made my plea for him to hold on to the aids 'for a while'. He then played a trick on me and we both know he did, but neither said. I had just told him that my hearing was adequate for an ol' codger like me. He suddenly started mumbling under his breath and all I could make out was'Blah, blah,..tight ol' git..'. He asked if I could repeat what he had said, and he was still mumbling. I said' 'Eh?' he said, 'Mr. Peeps, your hearing is not great. I was just saying that they would be a great fit!' Anyway, I tried them on and it was miraculous. I have been able to hear everything since. People sound like they are shouting! At least the neighbours will be glad as I can turn down my telly volume. I wondered what that faint banging on the wall was.Thought we had woodpeckers!
Anyway, life is looking up, although the 'earman' seemed amused to inform me that my ears do not 'conform to EU Standards' and that made them more expensive! Never mind, I have never been a conformist! He also told me that there would be a warning signal when the batteries got low. Fine, as long as it's not as loud as 'Big Ben'. Wonder if I have any other body parts that don't conform to EU Standards? The mind boggles, well mine certainly does.
Well, I'm back in business. I'm mobile and can hear everything. I have my red 'parp,parp' Toad of Toad Hall car. The world and all the eligible ladies are my lobster. I'll maybe take you through my eligibility checklist one day soon. Just got to get the red paint off my face. Yes, I was painting some garden furniture, my mobile phone rang and I jumped, firstly because it was in my pocket and secondly because no-one normally rings. The paint went all over me and I looked for all the world like Chief Sitting Bull on an off day. Turned out, it was the mobile phone company asking me how I was getting on with the new phone. I said, 'Your salesman told me it was foolproof. So, tell me this, why can I not get the bally thing to work?' Well, he had no answer for that!
Yes, all this stuff about painting the town red reminded me of the best 'red letter day' in the world and in one of the world's greatest cities at a euphoric time. It was 1945 and I was in London with my sister. We both were in our military uniforms and it was just after VE day. London was still full of people celebrating. I was just walking past Buckingham Palace and was talking away to my sister, when I heard an almighty clatter of boots on the cobblestones. It was like thunder! My sister told me to look round and to my eternal joy and astonishment, every guardsman outside the palace was saluting me. It's always been the way. You salute the uniform. I returned the salute and walked off without giving into the temptation to yelp and click my heels like Charlie Chaplin. It felt like my Queen and country had honoured me. It was just marvellous. I'll remind the 'new' queen of this when she comes to give me my card when I reach 100!
So, there you are. I have a little tear and a sigh welling up now, but I'm off out soon to have a great day. I hope you do the same. Life is for living to the full!
Yours proudly but ever so slightly red-faced
The blogging Gogfather!
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