Things you can Bank on?

Image by just.Luc via Flickr

Sizzling Saturday to you all!
You know, we used to feel we had certainties in our world. Now it is faded glory, as in the piccie. My dad always used to say, 'Son, you're blocking the heat from the fire, so could you hop it!' No, he did say that as well, but he also told me you could bank on a few things in life, firstly death( although some bods say, 'If I die etc..Do they know something I don't?). Secondly, taxes- no doubt Mr Cameron will underline the reality of that some time soon. Thirdly, he said there was nothing safer than houses or the Bank of England. Well, he was wise, but not a prophet!
My lady bank manager, Ms Isla Screw-yall, often makes it clear to me that she will only lend to me, if I don't need it. I tried my babe-magnet charm, but she made feel more like a fridge magnet. She snarled something about undergoing stress tests. Don't know whether she meant herself (Doubtful, she would scare a shark!) or the bank. In any case, she'll know how the rest of us feel then! Even scary Vince Cable can't get through to them. He says it is 'a dialogue with the deaf'. He says the banks are paying bonuses rather than lending and they will feel his wrath. Maybe this is a job for Arnie 'the terminator' and governator to take on!

Talking about 'bricks and mortar' being a safe home for your nest-egg, heard some bods on tv saying they feared a 'double-dip recession' would stop their house selling. Maybe, but they showed their house and I think they should panic more about the 60's naff decor, the dumpy appearance, their Rottweiler greeting the viewers and the fact that everyone else is in Majorkka(sic or do I mean sick) or on stayvacation in Bognor under Raincloud!
Some other things you can or can't bank on. London have set up a bike 'hire' scheme a la Paris. Boris Johnson got on his bike for PR. Well,not his bike, he borrowed it, just like the Parisian bike 'borrowers' did. Except they borrowed them permanently. You can bank on the scheme going down like a lead balloon- you could say it's a 'vicious cycle'!
You used to be able to bank on the quality of products. Now, Which magazine lists numerous products that are totally ineffective. Fair to say, 'They don't do what it says on the tin!' Meanwhile, some dopey advertisers blithely tempt me to shout at the tv, when they say that , 'Nothing works better than 'product X'. I shout out, 'Well, if nothing works better, I'll use that then!'
One new money-maker you can bank on is the 'Whistle blowing profession'. There are always wrong doers in high places and low places, for that matter. Now, the US will pay a 'bounty' to those who expose financial fraud. My dad used to say, 'Where's there's muck, there's brass!'
You used to be able to bank on oysters being an aphrodisiac. That's not reliable either. I had a dozen the other night and only 9 of them worked! Talking of food, you could always depend on me. I had an impeccable war record. I was mentioned in despatches many times,  though not always in a totally positive light. The catering corps described my cooking, rather unkindly I thought, as more dangerous than 'friendly fire', especially the curry!. Everyone's a critic!
Well, you can bank on me for a chuckle and as for relying on anything else, I would simply say you can only trust God and be happy!

Yours reliably yet jocularly

The blogging Gogfather

Mr William for next James Bond?

Fabulous Friday to you all!
I have been thinking again-yes, I know it's risky, but I have a lot of time on my hands, and being an octogenarian, I can't go wasting precious time. I saw this impression Fleming had done of how he envisaged his hero and it is obviously me to a tee! Sean Connery had a good stab at it-pun intended-, but I feel I am his ideal. Maybe, he saw me in the street one day, when I used to live in London and I inspired him. Well, I can't know for sure, but there is no time like the present to stake my claim.

 I'll let young Daniel have a couple more outings and then I'll show them how it was always meant to be. When I finish here, I will get the letter off to Cubby Beetroot's daughter, Babs (or is Broccoli? One of those veggies I don't like, anyway). A recent photo and my CV should seal the deal. I should also put in that audio tape of me doing my Leslie Philips' 'Well, hellooo!' impression.
What are my qualifications? Well, you surely will know by now what a hit I am with the ladies. They virtually faint in my presence- reminds me, my housekeeper says I should wear less aftershave. She says it is a little overpowering. I'm sure it's just my animal magnetism! The brand, it's 'Midnight in Paris' by Sarkozy. Well, look where it got him, the French presidency and Carla Bruni.
Any way, you ask if I am physically up to it? Well, that's the other reason I've taken up Lord Coe's challenge to get ready for the 2012 Olympics. Today, my regime will include mountaineering(climbing the stairs to the loo), yomping(taking my lunch tray into the kitchen) and synchronised weighlifting(raising the newspaper above my head with both hands). You may chuckle,... please , but Sean Connery started out as a milkman, but , like me, they saw he could really deliver! Boom, boom.
My first secret mission could be to nip over to China, under cover as a silly ol' git-did I mention my great acting skills? I once played the lead in Lassie! Yes, so I'm in China, and to promote corrupt Western capitalism, I will install a google app in every Chinese home. (Bit of satire for you there) That should keep me busy for a week or two!
Some of you might still have your reservations( Lucky you, can I come to? Is it dinner, the theatre, as long as it's not Andrew LLoyd Webber stuff?But I digress) about my age? Well, like a fine wine, I am expensive, classy, great body and maturing beautifully. Also, they say you are as old as the woman you feel. Well, the trouble for me is they run too fast, but I have my eye on Kylie Minogue and Lady Gaga! Wish me luck?
Any rate, got to run. That letter to Barbara Beanstalk won't write itself.
Yours debonairly yet deludedly

The blogging Gogfather

Mr William is a High Flier

Thundering Thursday to you all!
As you may know by now, yours truly is one of life's high fliers. Trouble is that does not stretch to air travel. I'm more a 'Black Hawk Down'  rather than Biggles sort of a guy!
 Every time I agree to fly(not by flapping my arms, you understand- just the usual way, although I still harbour a wish to do the James Bond airpack, but I digress), I forget my diabolical mistrust of planes to stay in the air. I have to travel by day so that I can be an unofficial navigator for the pilot. The stewardess assures me it is not needed. Last time, I was waiting for a flight and told my daughter I was so nervous, I would be white knuckled and praying all the way. Mind you, she bought me a beer to calm my fevered brow and before I knew it, I was offering to fly the crate myself. I'm nothing if not inconsistent! Mind you, if the Ryanair boss does start charging for comfort breaks, it'll cost me a fortune! Anyway, I have to fly now and then, 'cos I'm not Steve Redgrave and just can't row the Channel like I used to! At least Stelios is trying to keep Easyjet flights on time -Nothing worse than waiting around to fly, at least the dentist's chair is on terra cotta!
Want to tell you about some high fliers and some who are just full of hot air. Cameron has flown off for a top flight delegation to the Indian Sub-continent. Good landing for his Passage to India and then he goes off the runway into controversy, by annoying Pakistan. You would think a tory toff could be more diplomatic? Hope this doesn't come back to get him up the Kyber Pass!
Working high fliers don't want to retire at 65. Some ageist types have said the older employees will be found  snoozing at their desks and forgetting what day it is. I think that is unfair. I'm 86 and I never drift off during my blog............sorry about that...and everyone knows this is November 1st, so we will have no more of the age stuff. Especially as we are remembering the great Ivy Bean, the oldest Twitter blogger, who died at the age of 104. Maybe she will continue pioneering by tweeting form heaven? Much missed!
Ultimate high-flier, Arnie, has said that California is going bust, but under his leadership, 'It will be baaack!'
Reliably dodgy flier, Education Minister Gove blows his whistle today and  delights us with this. 'Rich thick kids do better than poor bright pupils' Obviously, smart money still talks!
Athletic high-flier, Usain Bolt, 'The Lightning Bolt', is the World's fastest man. He says he might change things around a bit in the 2012 Olympics.- maybe even have a go at the long jump. Funnily enough, he reminds me of me- must be my doppelganger!
That royal high-flier, Prince Charles is so 'green' that he is giving away the curtains at Clarence House to have them recycled as plastic bags- eco-chic! You couldn't make it up!
Finally, this high flier is glad to hear that the government are stopping Asbos. I was worried I might get one(not as you might think for for my edgy blogging) but for my habit of singing songs from the shows at full volume, when I am in the bath. Everyone's a critic! Well, I'm off to tune up for my next aria.

Yours musically yet flying high

The blogging Gogfather

Mr William has a Sporting Chance

Image by Andrea Costa Photography via Flickr

Wonderful Wednesday to you all!
It's time to spread my wings and fly. Lord Seb Coe says we all have to get ready to play our part in the 2012 London Olympics. As you may know, I am 86 years young, but I've started weight-lifting the newspaper and curling my toes rapidly in my slippers. Got to start somewhere and the Brucie Forsythe dvt socks have been an inspiration!
Now that we are all taking staycations with the credit crunch, I might build up my fitness further by visiting Britain's first surfing musuem. As the weather is only clement enough two days a year, the museum will have few exhibits, but you've got to admire their British stiff upper lip! Staycations may become even more popular if the proposals go through for Euro police to monitor and pursue Britons abroad. I will leave that to your imagination, but Marbella might end up as a wasteland!
My only surfing recently has been here on thinternet, as they call it on Coronation Street. Apparently providers say they will give you a Ferrari speed and you get bike speed. My armchair goes faster than mine! Although my online food shopping arrives before I order it. Now that's service! I started to order on tinternet after I got into an almighty row with the new DIY check out at the supermarket. It started shouting at me that I had left an unusual item in the bagging area. Well, I had to have somewhere to put my walking stick! Wonder whether I can still bog-off, I mean 'buy one, get one free' with online. I have bought the oddest things just because they were on offer. Anybody know someone who wants 'TenaLady' in bulk?
I was always sporty, rugby and that. The ladies could always spot that I was fit and had a jaunty air. That could be handy, as Cameron Diaz says that relationships should have a 5 year sell by date, I must put in a bid for her affections when she next comes up for renewal! Surely I have a sporting chance?
One risk I won't be taking again is telling someone when they have had too much to drink. A survey says you should, but are they offering to pay your medical bills?
One sporting guy is Jim 'Look at what you could have won' Bowen. Like me , he likes a bit of bully, whatever that is. As he says himself, he is a cult and a leg-end , sorry legend in his own lunchtime!
One guy you wouldn't have given a sporting chance to is the lame duck ex-chief of BP- the Boy 'with the Black Stuff'! Instead of the push, he nets a plum role on the board of TNK-BP. He comes up smelling of roses-unlike the Gulf!
One very unsporting guy is the embezzler , Bernie Madoff, currently serving a 150 year sentence in a North Carolina Jail. Investors are still arguing over their money. I think I would have been suspicious of even giving the time of day to a guy, whose name hints at a little lunacy, or more to the point a tendency to run off with your dosh- he certainly made off with their goodies!
After I heard that 1 in 36 £1 coins is counterfeit, I almost had a wikileak. It's not only the MOD who are worried about those. I have been worrying about leaks for years, but like BP , I think I've got it capped for the moment! Anyway, got to run--need to get rid of my £1 coins. First I'll just nip to the loo!

Yours urgently yet sportily,

The blogging Gogfather

Dieting, me? A slim chance!

Image by Tony₂ via Flickr

Terrific Tuesday to you all!

Was watching that Paul McKenna on about changing yourself for the better and slimming until you get to your desired weight. All very hypnotic, especially in his case, and he seems to be such a nice guy. Thing is, there is a whole industry of people telling me to change myself and all of them are driving flash cars, know what I mean? As I said to my life coach, Ima Chancer, yesterday, 'What's wrong with the Mr William you see in front of you?' I might be wrong, but I thought I saw her wincing. Maybe it's time I did what she calls a life audit- a bit like an accountant's audit-boring, gonna cost you a packet and it just has to be done!

John Humphries, the journalist, says we have to 'Get better at bettering ourselves'. Maybe, but I also think we should not forget my maxim, 'Tweet Mr William's bod as his body deserves to be tweeted.' To be honest, I'm never had a problem with my weight/appearance. I think it's my genes, no not my Wranglers, you know, the one's they are always rabbitting on about? 'It's your genetic make-up,' they say, 'Like if your parents couldn't have kids, then you can't either..' I'm sure that can't be right on a number of levels, but when a specialist like mine, Prof. Ivor Double-First tells you something, you tend to take it as gospel! Anyway, I digress big-time.

My bod is like a temple, but unfortunately, a bit crumbly like the Acropolis. Main thing is, though, I've always eaten what I want, occasionally I cut back if I can't see my shoes and I never worry. I'm not built like a Greek god, but I'm confident and content, full of fun and chatty, therefore the ladies and the guys all seem to like me.

I never worried about money or ambition. If I was skint, I got on with on it, if I had a windfall, I enjoyed it. So, what I am saying is that I will give you my tips for a happy life for free. I'm not worried about making money and I won't send a book and a hypnosis dvd. I will put it in one sentence. Be content with who you are, learn to love yourself and then others. There you are. Please comment and let me know what you think?

Before I go to contemplate my navel, not in any Zen sense, I must mention the lovely kaffuffle in politics over the weekend. A good laugh is good for you. A former minister describes new government as a 'Brokeback Coalition' ala 'Brokeback Mountain- he was overheard saying this, but everyone was thinking it anyway. Is he saying, though, that the Coalition is going to shaft us all royally? It will be daylight robbery. At least Dick Turpin wore a mask and worked at night! Anyway, bye for now.

Yours meditatively yet with open shakras 

The blogging Gogfather

Going Down Memory Lane, Fast

Image by dhammza via Flickr

Momentous Monday to you all!
I'm getting really forgetful about stuff. I order things and set up subscriptions and then ring the people and give them a piece of my mind for taking money from my bank account. I think I've given away too many 'pieces of my mind'. I have to write everything down 'cos I have the memory of a goldfish. You know, it's got to the stage where I have to write everything down 'cos I've got the memory of a goldfish!
Here, before I forget, Jordan only sold 3000 copies of  her record and was booed off stage. Personally, I think Social Services should pay a visit to all the people who bought the blooming thing!
A few things have happened to me over the last few days and I can only put it down to missing grey cells! I left my walking stick in a shop-don't know how I hobbled home without it. Next day, I went in and they asked what size the stick was. I kid you not. I said, 'My size, what do you think?' Do you think they took me for a walking stick master-criminal thief- a modern day Raffles?
Last night, I was watching the Napoleonic Wars on the telly and forgot I had food cooking. I burnt the ass out of two good pots. Good thing I wasn't watching the Hundred Years' War or the place would have burnt down, along with yours truly.
Yesterday in church, the vicar forgot to stop praying. I got down on my knees, as I feel God has kindly overlooked a lot in my case, and 20 minutes later, I realized my knees had locked. I eventually struggled into my pew and think I will probably be able to stand normally in a week or two. Thankfully, I didn't have another embarrassing visit to A&E. They always smirk when I tell them the disasters that have befallen me. I must remember for the future, that I might be just too spiritual for my own good!
On Saturday, I was painting some garden furniture- more Jackson Pollock than Monet, but I think I've made a good 'impression' of being a handyman. The gardener called. I had forgotten about his visit too. Never mind. I listened to the radio news and I hope I got these things right. I didn't take a note at the time. Apparently the Queen is going onto 'Twicker' or 'Flicker' or something. She is putting on family snaps from way back. Maybe she is going down memory lane too! I'm wondering. If one wishes to view the snaps etc, how does one curtsey or bow on the internet? I can't just wear my Brucie Forsythe DVT socks and dressing gown!
Anyway, must go 'cos I think I've left something on the stove. What's that burning smell?

Yours forgetfully yet jocularly,

The blogging Gogfather

Always Trending

A very Spiritual Sunday to you all!
You know, I'm a bit of a butterfly, a flibbety-gibbett, when it comes to fashions, trends, whatever. I easily tire of the same old. I scour the shelves of vintage shops and flea markets looking for shabby chic-that's the gospel truth, as sure as I sit here on my unicycle wearing Darcy Bussell's tutu! No, of course I don't. Not only would I be too big for Darcy's stuff, but I normally only make it to Marks and Spencer.
 I do like to be dapper and often buy sharp new gear. Have to keep up my matinee idol status. My only problem with fashion is that my trousers no longer stay up of their own accord. Don't get the wrong idea. I haven't taken up flashing. It's just my behind has vanished and my tummy has a continental shelf! I have had to take a belt and braces approach. Anyway, the ladies find me irresistible and that is the main thing!
Watched BB#11 again last night. It seems the trend with some young ladies is for everything to be false, including the eyelashes and hair. I can't consider adding eyelashes as mine currently are so bushy that I am providing a complete eco-system for a flock of rare birds- I'm environmentally friendly, with the emphasis on 'mental'! Do you think hair extensions would work with a combover?
One worrying trend is that 1in 4 boys and 1 in 3 girls is obese. 'Bazaarly', (pun there, as Marks started as a penny bazaar), M&S are selling trousers with waistbands up to 23 inches to cater for 4 year olds who are obese. That's wide, rather than high fashion!
Another unfortunate trend now is that 1 in 5 girls are pregnant at least once by age 18. The abortion rates are astronomical and it seems due to casual attitudes to sex and lack of responsibility. Well, hate to sound like the grumpy ol' git(gog) that I am, but this is an issue for parents, society and government to sort out asap!

One trendsetter has been lost to the world today. The amazing snooker-ace Alex Higgins has died- a tortured genius, colourful and flamboyant. They don't come along very often, these bright candles that snuff themselves out early.
Anyway, on the brighter side, I leave you now with the thought that I will venture forth to grace the world with my stylish presence and je ne sais quoi- I don't know what it means either!

Yours flamboyantly yet coyly

The Gogfather

Educated to a certain degree?

Image by may the circle remain unbroken via Flick

Hello and an enlightening Saturday to you all,
Debate at present regarding university degrees and whether they should be more career and vocationally targetted, also whether a degree should be an aspiration for the majority. Clearly there are lots of unemployed graduates, so it can't be the be-all and end-all. Also I feel the world is already oversupplied with experts, or as I call them 'know-alls'!
Switch on the media and you find it is chock-full of experts and what is the one thing they have in common? They all state the bl***ing obvious! One today was rabbiting on about 'kids needing rules'. Insight like that takes many years of education! Also, I always shout at the screen, 'A kid is a young goat!'

As you know, I like to keep an eye on trends. The in-thing now is to pretend you are not elitist and academic, even if you are Stephen Hawking or Fry! Notice how posh tory ministers now flatten their vowels and veer towards Estuary english, in a vain attempt to sound like one of the people. Pale reflections of Tony (false modesty) Blair?
He, Tone, always said, 'Education, education, education!' Clearly, we never 'learn the lesson' as a society that politicos will tell us what they think we want to hear. They rarely change anything for the better in the long term.
Personally, I was very fortunate with my education. It has meant that I can read the Daily Telegraph from cover to cover without a dictionary and I can count to 10 without using my fingers!
My recollections of my schooldays are now hazy and before you ask, it wasn't in Roman times with an abacus. I do remember the discipline. To maintain order, each day one boy would be caned mercilessly in front of morning assembly. This carried on until his mother complained and they then set up a rota of boys. Many volunteered saying they quite liked that sort of thing! Well, it was an all boys' school. You learned fast never to bend over for the soap in the shower!
Anyway, my view from the armchair is that everyone needs the basics of literacy and numeracy and some should go on to academic heights-every great nation needs that, but most education should lead to useful employment. Why not comment below? Some of our greatest achievers, like Winston Churchill, flunked at school. What worries me more is the high percentage of schoolchildren (not young goats!), who thought Churchill was a tv dog! 'Oh, yuss'. I 'kid' you not! I'll make like a tree and leave it there. Back to my newspaper and no, I don't only look at the pictures.
Your esoterically yet democratically,

The Gogfather  

Money Slips through my Fingers

Hello and a Prosperous Friday to you

They say money makes the world go around. You can earn it, spend it, lose it and beg, borrow and steal it, and more besides. The Bible says that the love of it is the root of all evil. Nevertheless, we all have to deal with it.
Personally, it slips through my fingers like water. It don't know where it goes. My accounting system is a little bit haphazard. Basically, I bung some readies in my back pocket and when they run out, I take my wheelbarrow down to the bank to get my pension. Sometimes, I have to rob Peter to pay Paul, but mostly, I get by. Mind you, my car insurer must think I'm a Formula1 driver, when I see the premium!
With the Credit Crunch, everyone is looking round for ways to save and get through. I see the Coronation Street cat's ashes are being auctioned for charity. Hopefully, this will help the 'kitty'! I feel a certain affinity  for the cat as it's name was 'Frisky'. They say we all have a double somewhere!
Some countries are using novel ways to pay off their deficits. Rumour is that Spain only won the World Cup  so that they could send in the trophy to Cash for Gold.com. Well, it's a bit different!
In UK, it now seems clear that traffic cameras are only effective as money-makers for the government. It may not clear the national debt, but it raises a fortune for the coffers and does little for accident statistics. You could say that cameras are something to 'focus' on!
Cameron, meanwhile, proves, if we needed proof, that the best education that money can buy, isn't all it should be. He reckoned that Britain was the junior partner in WW2 during 1940. Mr C.'s report card reads 'needs to do better'. Hope his maths are better or we're all up the Swanee!
Here's my recipe about money. Try not to worry about it. Take up 'Laughter-cise'-yes it's real and you get what it says on the tin. You do laughter exercises with a so-called expert and then you and your wallet get lighter!. It is dubbed 'Ho-ho dieting. You fake it, fake it, till you make it'! I tell jokes to my family, but they mostly laugh at me when I'm not trying to be funny. Such is life!

Yours impecuniously and yet generously

The Gogfather

You can't buy Health?

Image by niceazurpassionpoesie via Flickr

A Healthy Thursday to you all,

We all want to be fit and healthy, don't we, but it is a bit of a lottery. A survey just out says that half the UK population will be obese by 2050. It doesn't say if they have started the overeating or whether they will wait until say 2048 and start to binge. Also, it doesn't tell us what the other half will be doing. Perhaps they will have heeded the warnings and be eating a carrot while riding an exercise bike. They may or may not live longer, but it will be so boring, it will certainly feel like an eternity!
The enlightened government response in the UK was to sell off school playing fields and now they write letters to the parents of primary school kids 'labelling' them as feeders of obese children. This has to be the 'thin edge of the wedge'!
Police have little chance now of staying fit, as it has been revealed that only 10% are available for duty on the streets at any one time. 'Beat' that for a shocking statistic!
In local news here, it emerges that senior citizens in Belfast hospitals have little chance of overeating as, shockingly they come out of care in a malnourished state. That is a disgrace. Belfast Health Trust- sort it out!

My own keep fit and healthy regime, as I have described it before is a judicious mix of wine, women and song, although I am cutting down on the singing due to complaints by so-called music loving neighbours. Everyone's a critic!
Today, as usual, I will go out to lunch at a local eatery and delight the waitresses with my timeless banter. I know they look forward to it, because I see them gathering in a group pow-wow when one of them spies me arriving. The first one will have given the signal, something like, 'Oh good, it's Mr William!' I think that is what they say, then in the ensuing scrum, they decide which one has the honour of waiting on me. Ah, bliss. It is great to be popular, although the waitresses do have pained expressions when they approach my table. I have come to recognise that as reverence and awe!
I think healthiness is a lot about attitude. I am mostly ecstatically happy and positive, even though I have been opened up more times than a handbag. You have to have perseverance through the pain barrier, as my life coach, Ivor Gotta-Nancer always says.
Finally, a novel way to health and good fortune has emerged today.-Metal detecting. Yes, loads of fresh air and walking and if you are lucky, like the guy in Somerset, you can find a hoard of Roman coins and make yourself a 'mint'!
Get out there and have a good day!

Yours ecstatically,

The Gogfather

Marriage like a Horse and Carriage?

Image by HaiThinh's photos via Flickr

Happy Wednesday to All,
I want to talk a bit about marriage and romantic relationships, if these two are not mutually exclusive. My dear wife died some years ago and I remember her all the time. She loved the song, 'Red Sails in the Sunset', ergo the photo, closest I could come up with.
 People are odd about talking of death. I was in a supermarket and bumped into a friend. I asked after his missus. He said, 'Oh, I lost her.' I said that he could have her paged at reception. How embarrassing. I didn't realise she had died 6 months before.
Anyway, marriage? Goes together like a horse and carriage, according to the song, but who is pulling and who is being dragged along? A fellow gog told me that it's all about give and take. 'I give and she takes,' he said.
My wife said I only had two faults- everything I said and everything I did! Charming! She said I was temperamental. Well, what she actually said was, I had a temper and I was mental. That's nice.
To be honest, I can't be long today, because the cleaner will be here soon and someone has to chase her around the place making suggestive comments, and that someone is me. It's all harmless. It keeps me fit and makes her laugh a lot!
Marriage? Some people compare it to a prison from medieval times. Two people are shackled together and endure thousands of exquisite and inventive tortures for many years and eventually they can't remember how and when they got there! Just a little negative? You decide.
These days, I read that 1 in 3 women are the main breadwinners in the home. At least, they are using their loaf! Men, however, are unsure of their status in society. Women want joint and separate bank accounts-very understandable, but blokes don't know if they are Arthur or Martha! A survey just out says that men don't feel safe being driven by their female partner. They don't mention if they mean 'round the bend'! Don't groan ladies, but they do mention that many ladies use the mirrors for anything other than checking traffic.

Romance and loving deeply is great, though. Mind you, Obama and Cameron may be trying to be all smiles, but Cameron's pledge to end 'blind loyalty to USA' may put the marriage on the rocks, along with the BP oil. Yes, you could say there is a widening 'gulf' between them!
Also, the former MI5 chief's submission to the Iraq enquiry may have Blair saying 'Et tu, Brute?' She didn't pull her punches. Sounded a bit like what wives do to their husbands at dinner parties-blurt out all the blokes' faults and misdemeanours.
I digress. I say, be romantic and be kind and loving. There you are. I've said it and I'm a gog! A quote from Mark Twain to finish.  I know, a bit flash, but appropriate.

Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the things you did do. So, throw off the bow-lines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the Trade Winds in your sails. Explore, dream, discover! 

Yours in a hurry,

The Gogfather

My Diary is an Open Book

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Sshh! It's Tuesday and Secret Squirrel (over to the right) and yours truly want to share some secrets with you.
I just can't keep a secret-I have to blab and I leak like a sieve, but we will not go into my little problems. (Reminds me, I must get some more 'Tenaman').
Why do we keep secrets? Some say it is to protect people, but we all know that everything comes to light some day, so what is the point? The truth may hurt, but maybe we are better hearing it.
Think of BP. Now some sort of leak about alleged deals with Libya. That leak may be more costly than the one in the Gulf! Peter Mandelson blows the lid off the Blair government and what relationships were like at the top. I think we are better knowing, but do we ever get the whole story? Mind you, Peter 'Mandy coming out' is old news!

Some more secrets revealed in news. By the sounds of it, Eamonn Holmes has let it be known that he is fed up with references to his size. Surely he has blown himself, sorry the matter out of all proportion!
Sadly, a survey reveals today, the badly kept secret that mothers cannot 'have it all' in the family/work balance. They seem to feel guilty if they work or stay at home. Surprisingly, this gog has a heart and can empathise with their dilemma.
Apple has been sharing IT's 'secret of success'. They are 'working their butts off' and providing cots in the workplace to keep production 'line' of iPhone4 at full steam. Very high tech!

Of course, as a private person, if you really want to find out what people think of you, just eavesdrop on a conversation, when you hear your name mentioned or read a close family member's diary.You know the sort of thing. You feel guilty, but you might learn something that you needed to hear about yourself.
Well, governments have a take on secrets.They just want to know everything, in case it is useful to them.
Local councils in England it seems, are prepared to stoop to searching in people's rubbish to find out about them. They say, it is for statistical information. Now that really is scaping the bottom of the barrel!

By the way, you will be glad to know that I am not a Russian lady posing as an American housewife. That would be a stretch, even for me! A glance at the internet, however, does indicate how security/ secret -conscious  the USA has become. It seems that since 9/11, there are more people with 'Top Secret' clearance in America than the population of Washington DC. Problem is that one doesn't know what the other is doing or even that they exist. Layers and layers of secrets and security, costing a fortune and is it an answer to anything? You tell me. Who is protecting whom?
So, signing off for a snooze, but think about this. Being open and honest means that you are at least taking responsibility and you are open to scrutiny. Otherwise, be sure your secrets will find you out! I will be watching and listening!

Yours sincerely,

The Gogfather

Mr William has his Eyes Wide Shut?

Image by Nick-K. via Flickr

Good Monday to You All

I will start and end with humour, but I have some things on my mind today. More later.
To tickle the funny bone, I had my eyes wide open when they mentioned a new service today called Rent-a-Friend. Nothing seedy, just what it says on the tin. I asked myself though, would someone you're paying by the hour tell you what you need to hear, rather than what you want to hear!
I could also get a lunchtime 'boob job' now. I'll bear that in mind! Also Take That and Robbie may open the London Olympics. Will they attempt the World Synchronised Swimming record?
Today was eventful for me. My bath drain blocked and I had to buy a turbo or trouser snake or something to fix it!
Goldtrail customers stuck abroad. Some people say they are not getting help 'ATOL'!

Here's what is bugging me today. I've been through war. It's horrible! I am glad to see the 'Fromelles' soldiers are being honoured, but here's the thing, how many of us know how many soldiers and civilians have been killed in Iraq and Afghanistan this week, and if not, why not? Is it just an unpleasant news item before we check our Facebook?
David Cameron says he wants a 'Big Society'-the government spreads out to the people. Well, here goes. Get the troops home as soon as possible, tell the Banks to stop ripping us off, tell the education minister to stop diverting money to posh academies, instead of repairing and improving the mainstream schools! I see that 17% of school leavers are functionally illiterate and can barely text their name! Obviously not being 'comprehensively' educated! Stella Macartney should be worried that posh-schooled kids might be too hoity-toity. The tories have shown us again how out of touch they are with ordinary people!

Plus, patches are being trialled instead of jabs. You can't put a patch on everything, Mr Cameron! Finally on my rant, a new survey says that women are most beautiful at age 31. Well, I may be a gog, but that is sexist, ageist and downright annoying! Maybe too many of us have our eyes wide shut to what is horrible and what is beautiful?  Rant over, but I see and hear everything from my armchair and I will give my opinion!

Finally, my dears, I tried to buy a kneepad or laptop or whatever today and the salesman checked his screen and said I didn't exist. I asked him to check again and he found me in the ethernet. Thank goodness for that and honour was satisfied(Lucky ol' honour!)
I'm off now.Ranting is tiring. Speak to you tomorrow.

Yours, the Gogfather

Coming out of my Shell

Happy Sunday to All,

Something got me thinking about chickens and eggs, but I can't figure out which came first! You know, the chicken or the egg? I suppose the fact that I have been minding some chickens for a few days and I also saw a  documentary about chickens the other day. Did you know they have better eyesight  than us humans? Certainly a darn sight better than mine. Also, they are the closest descendant of the T-Rex dinosaur. Blimey, I will be more wary of them in future!

I resemble chickens in some ways- it's easy to ruffle my feathers, I can't fly and I stick my beak in everywhere. I will leave the analogy there, before you want to wring my neck! Eggsactly!
Church today. It was no 'yoke'. Although I have 'oldtimers'' disease, ie a little forgetful, I still know my Peters and Queens of Sheba, when it comes to the Bible. I don't want to hear a simple Bible study as a sermon. What I want is to be eye-balled by the preacher, like it used to be. I want to feel challenged and under pressure, like he has been reading my mind and my blogs-oops! Then I can feel guilty and get back on the 'straight and narrow'. Anyway, sermon over for today.

I'll simply tell you about some 'naughty' eggs and then some good ones. Firstly, Woods (the one with egg all over his face--I'll leave it there), looks like he hasn't enough Tiger in his tank. He's been off course for a while! Paris Hilton has been detained for Marijuana possession. Went for walk in the park and didn't notice the sign, 'Keep off the Grass'?

Saw some good eggs on Jonathan Wossy's last BBC TV show. Wossy had a tear in his eye, Micky Rourke had putty on his face--what ? He can't really look like that, can he? Jackie Chan is a medical miracle and David Beckham makes people go weak at the knees, some of them women!

Well anyway, time to snooze, but remember this. You have to break lots of eggs to make an omelette, especially if you are a crap chef!
Yours, the Gogfather 

Bring Me Sunshine!

Good Morning, World,
I have been looking and listening again. I see the BBC Licence Fee may be cut. I thought sacking the very talented and highly paid Jonathan Ross would have done the trick, clearly not.
Wonder if Paul, the World Cup psychic octopus, could tell me if it will be sunny today. Apparently, he is considering a transfer to another aquarium. At least he can sign the contract with his own ink. Just thinking, is he right or left tentacled?
No sunshine in prospect for charities. Coalition will probable cut their funding in an arbitrary manner, just because they can!
Bright future for Prince of Belair's son, Jaden. The new Karate Kid is a 'chop off the old block'!
Not so bright #bb11 Barbie and Ken ie JJ and Jose. Could they just wise up and get on with it?Good thing the human race is not depending on them!
I'm following the Open Golf. I can just hear Morecambe and Wise singing, 'Bring me Sunshine'. Today, I am looking forward to seeing a bevy of birdies, on the golf course. (It's all in your mind). All they want today is a light 'following' wind. Tiger wants to play around, sorry play a round worthy of his talent. A South African is leading-good summer for his nation. Three super Northern Ireland players, Rory McIlroy, Graeme McDowell and Darren Clarke. We're used to rotten weather!
Just one gripe from this gog, which clouds my unusually sunny disposition. The golf commentators keep calling any over 50 'old'. What?
Anyway, signing off. If you don't like sport, don't panic I'm not fixated by it either. Hope to amuse you with all I see and hear from my armchair.
Wish you all a bright and positive day!
The Gogfather will now snooze.

New Trick for Old Gog

Hello World

I am a full-time Gog (grumpy ol' git) and part-time guru to the stars. What I want to do is share my daily thoughts on what I have seen and heard around me.

My eyesight and hearing are terrible and so, sometimes my insights are a little quirky. For example, today Jordan strangled her new song on GMTV. She seemed to be on 40 inch heels and had a beaver on her head and yet she didn't come up to the presenter's navel. Also, she seemed to have sprayed on some leggings as well, she'll never get those off.!

The view from my armchair is that Take That are fortunate that Robbie can sing and 'relight a few fires'. Imagine, if Jordan was in your band?

Shock news that Brits behave badly abroad. Hope they didn't spend much money on that survey!

Finally, well done to Derry/Londonderry for 'City of Culture'. Great news. They were up the walls with anticipation.

Well, folks, drop in anytime. I am 86, own teeth, still have some of my marbles and aim to amuse.

Have a good day!