Monday, 23 August 2010

Mr William's out of Sync?

A Mystery-filled Monday to you all!
I almost typed 'mystery-fillied' there. Can you have 'typed' Freudian slips? If so, aren't you lucky, I check over my blog before posting? Whoops, I nearly did it again, as Britney Spears almost said,(and she would never be guilty of innuendo in her lyrics, would she? By the way, I am sure that was her poking me on Facebook the other day, but I ignored her. I have a reputation to maintain!)
Anyway, this is crazy digression, but it does show you how I am today--all over the place. I had a quick video conference with my new life coach, Tamara S. Paradise,( I had to dispense with the last one, Ivan Issue--it was complicated!) and she immediately diagnosed that my yin and yang were out of sync. She said she could tell because my eyes weren't focusing on her embonpoint as per.

 I didn't like to tell her I was roadtesting a revolutionary new type of contact lens, where you see right through people to their inner core--nothing smutty, missus! They are called discernment lenses and apparently they are offering them to people from all walks of life, particularly the most gullible, to further test something called the 'placebo effect'. Well, I don't know about all that, but I have spoken with 3 lawyers, two journalists, a couple of bankers, estate agents, wheelclampers and most importantly, my local politician and they all seem like open books of honesty to me! So, obviously, the lenses work. I am seeing my accountant and insurance broker later. I'll let you know how I get on.

Sorry, again. See, I'm off on one! Here am I sitting in my armchair, looking out at the pouring rain, and now the life-coach tells me, without the aid of a verbal safety net, that my 'chakras' are out of alignment! So, naturally, I asked what could be done. She said it would be unethical for her to prescribe anything, and anyway, she said she had only finished the first chapter of Paul McKenna's book, but she would get back to me!

Some expert she is. I think I will just self-diagnose in future, although there was that time I worried myself sick when I got a rash. I tried everything the pharmacist could give me, until the doctor eventually  told me the rash was due to me worrying myself sick about the rash! Back to the chicken and the egg thing? Talking about pharmacists, did you hear about the pharmacist who became a doctor instead? Yes, he gave up drugs and took medicine instead! Alright, what do you expect for free, humour?
Anyway, despite my mocking of therapies etc, I am a very spiritual person, mostly gin, vodka and whisky, it has to be said!
I mentioned eggs above. Well, I'm now off to my local fertility clinic with my Sainsburys free-range eggs from my fridge. Why, because some expert was on today saying there was big money to have if you were physically attractive, very intelligent and didn't need all your eggs. Well, that's me to a tee! They say I could get £800. Now that's an embryo of an idea there, that could give birth to a whole industry. Wonder who the brainchild was?
Yours discomfitedly yet steady as a rock

The blogging Gogfather!

1 comment:

  1. Please comment as it helps me know that I am not alone in the universe. Aliens, legal or illegal are welcome. ETs should note that we are a cosmically equal opportunities' blogger!